Father
by mikaera
Summary: [Oneshot] [No pairings] [Songfic: Perfect, Simple Plan.] Some thoughts from Kai to his father... not lovely thoughts exactly.


**Another story dedicated to my dad. Though he'll never read it, because as much as he doesn't want to read what I write, I don't want to give him the fanfiction url. **

**I hope you like the story, and I'd be glad if you review.

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Father

You left me long ago. You decided to dedicate your life to your work and career instead of… your family. Did it matter more than us? Really?

Now I'm back at the place I used to call home. I still can remember when you left me to be risen up by mom… and then she couldn't do anything, I know. Your father came for me. You knew this would happen… then why did you leave me? Why did you leave home?

_Hey Dad look at me  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according  
To plan?_

You're not here anymore… I don't know where you could be. It's years since I saw you for the last time… you're probably dead. But I don't care. I know you're the one who gave me life. I know you're my ancestor.

But you left me, then why should I care? You left me and mom to manage on our own, when you knew we couldn't. When you knew your father was dangerous, that he would take me and rise me up as he did.

Do you think I'm wasting  
My time doing things I  
Wanna do?  
But it hurts when you  
Disapprove all along

I never liked beyblade. Anyway, you let grandfather do what he wanted. And he taught me beyblading, better than that, he left me in a place to be taught what he wanted, the way he wanted.

And you knew I didn't like it. I used to like what you did, I used to like your job… beyblade was a game. But after being risen up in the Balkov Abbey, it no longer means fun, you know? 

And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good  
Enough for you

You… I don't know what you would think if you saw me now. I no longer beyblade. I left that years ago when I realized that the 'game' had used me. All those who had taught me beyblading had used me. As a toy, as a machine… anything.

But you're my father. Although I hate to admit it, you're related to me and I have to accept that, sometimes, I want you to accept me. I want to be what you wanted me to be. The perfect son that would obey to his father's wish?... or maybe desire?

I can't pretend that  
I'm alright  
And you can't change me

That makes no good for me… and you should know it. Pretending that everything's ok… pretending that I like blading as much as my friends do… it's a lie. A whole lie. I hate it… nearly as much as I hate admitting that… I hate you. 

'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect

I fought for it. I fought to be perfect, to be great for grandfather and for you at the same time. But I now realized perfection doesn't exist in this world…

Years ago I got involved with the man that brought me up… I got involved with Boris Balkov… and that was your fault… because you wanted me to be perfect… so I understood perfection was the supreme aim. 

I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be

_My hero?  
All the days  
You spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't  
Care anymore  
_

I used to think you were the best man in the world… sure… that was when I was six years old… because then I was forced to admit, that men, commit mistakes, are wrong, and do things they might regret. However, I wouldn't believe it if you said you regret leaving me.

Would you?

And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing' alright

I often like wondering what would happen in an hypothetical situation… and one of those would be, for example, you coming back. Yes, right now, coming back and knocking my door, not only wanting me to pretend nothing happened, but you yourself pretending that.

I'd probably laugh at you, and say you're madder than grandfather himself, willing to forget the past in less than a second. And then you'd look confused, without understanding any of my words, and I'd say… what would you understand? If you don't know me, dad. You don't know the person you have for son… so don't expect to understand me. 

'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect

I'll never be the perfect son you wanted to have… but then what? If you left your son to be raise up by other men, then you should have guessed I wouldn't be as you expected me to be. I feel sorry for you, not having what you want the most must be something hard to live with… even more if that thing is your own son!

It's a disaster… my life is a disaster. But I can live with it. The one who won't be able to live with it, is you, when you find out your son's gone, forever, and you can't bring him back. When you realize that all you spent in your career, even if it was for me to have a better life, is nothing but green papers that are nothing compared to the love you could have given me… and was the thing that I missed the most. 

Nothing's gonna change  
The things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this  
Right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard  
Just to talk to you  
But you don't understand

Now you get it, father? You get how much damage I carry on my veins, how much hate I can't express? That's all because of you… because of your lies, your absences, the directive you left inside my mind to achieve your goals and expectations, and the simple and real fact, that I'll never be the perfect son you wanted.

I'll never be the person you wanted… and you'll never be able to understand me… because now I've assumed… you don't want to know me…

And to understand something… you must know what it's about first.

You know nothing… dad. 

'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry  
**I can't be Perfect**

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****I hope you liked the story… my dad is here with me every day physically, but he isn't emotionally… he's so busy with his career and doesn't have time to know me. **

**Well, I don't bother you any longer with my story, and just, ask you, if you're kind enough, please review!**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Mikaera. **


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